Session 46 - musings en route to his first arms deal

 
EA is in hock deeply with the ‘Family’, racking up debts that the rest of us are likely to have to bail him out from.
Sp is off ‘sorting issues’ with a member of the ‘Family’ who is by all accounts very upset with him … and who is incidentally built in such a way that even Travis would think twice before getting physical.
JC is going through the DTs, and having nightmares about the people from the house – that he apparently feels remorse for that is good I guess, that he seems unwilling to give up that damnable heart, or that he is unlikely to do something similar in the future … that is less good. Even EA has spoken to me about putting him into an asylum somewhere to help him get stable, but all it would take is 1 call and the lawyers he has inherited from Kar to get him out and then he would be loose without us around to try and curb his tendencies or dissuade his paranoias.
And what about me? I have read books that the Holy Church condemns and would likely burn if she got her hands on. I have performed both ritual and magic, both in the waking and dreaming worlds, and while I tell myself and the others that I do so so that we can defeat those seeking the SS for ill intent, so that we can be protected and fight back, I cant help wonder if those claims sound as empty to them as they do to me.
After a week I have finally learnt the Voorish sign. So now my repertoire consists of 1 ritual, to transplant organs between individuals, and four invocations: the flesh sculpting one that the Mahkarets use; the withering blast of death; the word that MdmB bequeathed me the knowledge of and now the voorish  sign which will make it easier to cast any of the others.
I have used only two of those invocations so far, but only because the opportunity to justify using the others has yet not arisen.
The knowledge of them and the desire to use them is possibly as addictive as JCs drinking. I make no claim to being stronger than him, just that I have yet to indulge in the addiction as deeply or as often.
Only the thought that the talk of the others of being stalked by something, maybe the Comte, is wrong that it is ourselves that are enacting the monstrosities (albeit unwittingly to the conscious mind), becoming more susceptible to the depravities of the SS as we are exposed more and more to it, holds me back from easing the itch of the addiction and casting more magic. With every bad decision, regardless of whether the intent is good, do we pawn off more of our soul and become greater puppets for that which we claim to be working against? That some things have happened when we were seen to be elsewhere means nothing, we all now know how much can be done through dreams, and while we haven’t partaken of G’s dietary preference, maybe the extent of blood on our hands is enough to grease passage when the SS sends us off to do it’s bidding.
What is the price we will pay eventually? Will EA and Sp find themselves drowned in cement, or chained and sinking ton he bottom of the sea? Will JC be incarcerated, be it asylum or prison or both, or will he be shot down by the authorities to end a rampage? Will I become worse than AC, sinking to unknown depravities in an unending quest to find more power or that elusive incantation that can rectify the mistakes made.
Maybe EA is right, maybe we should consider voluntarily entering institutions to help us and stop us from harming others. Maybe I should consider entering a monastic order – austerity and hard toil have purportedly saved worse souls than mine.
 
 
Maybe I’ll do that.
 
 
 
 
Once the SS has been destroyed.

Yes …

But first we need to arm the communists.

Session 46 - musings en route to his first arms deal

Horror on the Orient Express griffwolf